That Dark Lonely Place…..

That’s where I have been recently…

It is a very lonely place when you are burdened with a chronic pain condition. For the last six years I have suffered mine. Anger, despair, isolation, desperation….. but also acceptance. During the latter half of 2013 until August 2014 I had a period of normal pain. Normal pain is there every day, every morning and every night but it is manageable. I can just about function, be a mum, be a friend, be employed and enjoy my passion for all things equestrian. Life is ok, I feel blessed for my two healthy children, supportive friends, my handsome four legged boy. I can actually enjoy life.

Then the flare comes… August this year, out of the blue, no warning. Just bam! Here I am!! A big flare and the aint nothing you can do about it Im going to wreck your life for as long as I please! And so it did.

Until four days ago, as quickly as it arrived, it left. Sunday afternoon.. nothing special happening… no change in my day, what I’ve eaten, what I’ve drank….  nothing different to the last two and a half months…. its just left. Oddly I was at my breaking point the evening before. The lowest of my lows, many tears and desperately lonely.

So, four days on and I am very much hoping my body has recovered, that the inflammation has calmed. IC is a silent predator, I still have it, its still lurking in there. I can feel it every day. I still use six catheters a day…. should I dare to hope? Should I make plans? It could come back at any minute. This is my plan…. enjoy everyday. x


6 thoughts on “That Dark Lonely Place…..

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through such a difficult time. I was hoping that your absence meant you were out living life & were just too busy to write. I hope that you have turned a positive corner once again & you feel some reprieve from your pain. Sending you hugs:)

  2. I often think about you and how your doing – how awfully horrible for you – hoping your back on a more even keel again and able to pick up the things you enjoy doling. Big hug x

  3. Like Sally, I often think about you and wonder how you are. Since reading about you initially I am full of admiration for how you make the most of your life without self-pity. I don’t now you well enough to offer a hug 🙂 but I really hope you get no more flare ups for as long as possible and that something comes along to give you long term relief. Hope you and Finlay have an enjoyable winter – and look forward to some happier posts!

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