Its Good To Talk

Its good to talk, so said a very old tv advert for a telecoms company. I agree, it is good to talk, especially during times of turmoil. So why do some men find it impossible to talk, ask for help or allow anyone in?

Is it that we are all a product of our upbringing, have we learned patterns of behaviour from our parents? Or is it based on gender?

I raised one son on my own and now 20 years later find myself in the same position. My eldest son who is approaching his 22nd birthday communicates well, he and I have always had a good relationship. From an early age I encouraged him to talk, talk about anything and everything and I now do the same with my five year old.

I think its vitally important that young children learn to talk, especially boys.

We are all a product of our upbringing to a certain extent but we can also learn! We can learn from our past mistakes. Isnt that the point of making mistakes? To learn from them?? I guess no one can be forced, one must be ready to talk and accept help but watching someone go through that process is heart breaking.

I went through a very tough couple of years after separating from my ex. I thought the stress and heart break would never end. But it did and I learned a few things about myself. I admitted to myself that I hadn’t treated others as well as I could have in the past. Id been very selfish and took many things and people for granted. That experience along with the chronic pain condition I have made me more humble, more appreciating of what really is important in life.

As I watch my friend suffer the demise of his marriage in a foreign country far from friends and family all I can do is offer a shoulder to lean on. I can see his turmoil. I can see alcohol controlling his emotions. I can see through his attempts at humour to ward off any sympathy or words of affection. His family reach out to him yet he rejects all offers of help. I talk about gaining some control again, I plead with him to stop drinking but then I think, is this what he has to go through to learn the lesson? To learn from past mistakes? To learn to talk?  

Its easy to shut oneself off from all emotion in the aftermath of a difficult relationship. I’m still wary of letting myself feel anything for a member of the opposite sex but it does get easier with time. As for my friend, I really don’t know if he will trust ever again. 

I hope he finds the strength be open and honest and more importantly talk. Exorcise those demons G x    

 

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6 thoughts on “Its Good To Talk

  1. It is a male thing. No idea why but we (in general) struggle to share how we feel.

    I used to be very guilty of this in previous relationships. If I had something on my mind and was unhappy I would still say “I’m fine” when asked if everything is okay. Looking back now it is ridiculous, why would I not want to talk and get a problem off my chest?

    I would say I have changed now but it has taken drastic measures.

    Maybe it’s not seen as ‘macho’ to open up and share how we feel. It’s not a good reason but it is the only one I’ve got!

  2. Recently started blogging myself, here is my link if you would like to visit. http://lymart.wordpress.com/
    I think that our generation of moms are making an attempt to do a better job of trying to teach our boys to communicate their feelings although there are so many that still have such difficulty in expressing themselves. When my son was young (he is now 28), a book was recommended to me that I often now give as a gift to new mom’s of sons. It’s called Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack. He talks about a number of issues surrounding out sons, one of which is understanding how to communicate with them. It is an interesting read:0)
    Congrats on your son’s recent graduation!
    Lynn

    • Hi Lynn, you have a great blog! Im now following. Thank you for your comment.

      As a mum of a 22 year old and a 5 year old Im at opposite ends of the education spectrum. One starting out in the big bad world with his degree the other starting his very first year in school next Friday (16th)

      Life is never dull around here 🙂 x

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