Its good to talk, so said a very old tv advert for a telecoms company. I agree, it is good to talk, especially during times of turmoil. So why do some men find it impossible to talk, ask for help or allow anyone in?
Is it that we are all a product of our upbringing, have we learned patterns of behaviour from our parents? Or is it based on gender?
I raised one son on my own and now 20 years later find myself in the same position. My eldest son who is approaching his 22nd birthday communicates well, he and I have always had a good relationship. From an early age I encouraged him to talk, talk about anything and everything and I now do the same with my five year old.
I think its vitally important that young children learn to talk, especially boys.
We are all a product of our upbringing to a certain extent but we can also learn! We can learn from our past mistakes. Isnt that the point of making mistakes? To learn from them?? I guess no one can be forced, one must be ready to talk and accept help but watching someone go through that process is heart breaking.
I went through a very tough couple of years after separating from my ex. I thought the stress and heart break would never end. But it did and I learned a few things about myself. I admitted to myself that I hadn’t treated others as well as I could have in the past. Id been very selfish and took many things and people for granted. That experience along with the chronic pain condition I have made me more humble, more appreciating of what really is important in life.
As I watch my friend suffer the demise of his marriage in a foreign country far from friends and family all I can do is offer a shoulder to lean on. I can see his turmoil. I can see alcohol controlling his emotions. I can see through his attempts at humour to ward off any sympathy or words of affection. His family reach out to him yet he rejects all offers of help. I talk about gaining some control again, I plead with him to stop drinking but then I think, is this what he has to go through to learn the lesson? To learn from past mistakes? To learn to talk?
Its easy to shut oneself off from all emotion in the aftermath of a difficult relationship. I’m still wary of letting myself feel anything for a member of the opposite sex but it does get easier with time. As for my friend, I really don’t know if he will trust ever again.
I hope he finds the strength be open and honest and more importantly talk. Exorcise those demons G x