Can someone explain to me in plain English how to accept awards on here. I have received a few from some lovely people but for the life of my I cant work out how to accept or post on my home page etc….

Please some one help lol Im useless at this stuff!


Its Good To Talk

Its good to talk, so said a very old tv advert for a telecoms company. I agree, it is good to talk, especially during times of turmoil. So why do some men find it impossible to talk, ask for help or allow anyone in?

Is it that we are all a product of our upbringing, have we learned patterns of behaviour from our parents? Or is it based on gender?

I raised one son on my own and now 20 years later find myself in the same position. My eldest son who is approaching his 22nd birthday communicates well, he and I have always had a good relationship. From an early age I encouraged him to talk, talk about anything and everything and I now do the same with my five year old.

I think its vitally important that young children learn to talk, especially boys.

We are all a product of our upbringing to a certain extent but we can also learn! We can learn from our past mistakes. Isnt that the point of making mistakes? To learn from them?? I guess no one can be forced, one must be ready to talk and accept help but watching someone go through that process is heart breaking.

I went through a very tough couple of years after separating from my ex. I thought the stress and heart break would never end. But it did and I learned a few things about myself. I admitted to myself that I hadn’t treated others as well as I could have in the past. Id been very selfish and took many things and people for granted. That experience along with the chronic pain condition I have made me more humble, more appreciating of what really is important in life.

As I watch my friend suffer the demise of his marriage in a foreign country far from friends and family all I can do is offer a shoulder to lean on. I can see his turmoil. I can see alcohol controlling his emotions. I can see through his attempts at humour to ward off any sympathy or words of affection. His family reach out to him yet he rejects all offers of help. I talk about gaining some control again, I plead with him to stop drinking but then I think, is this what he has to go through to learn the lesson? To learn from past mistakes? To learn to talk?  

Its easy to shut oneself off from all emotion in the aftermath of a difficult relationship. I’m still wary of letting myself feel anything for a member of the opposite sex but it does get easier with time. As for my friend, I really don’t know if he will trust ever again. 

I hope he finds the strength be open and honest and more importantly talk. Exorcise those demons G x    


Where Did The Time Go?

I have been rather quiet on here recently. The reason – depression, brain fog, tiredness and life being busy!

Last Thursday I drove to Aberdeen (170 miles) to collect my eldest son who has finished his degree. After four years of University life he is moving back home so in my rental van accompanied by my sons childhood friend ( or my dyslexic navigator ) we set off for the evening drive.

Nearly three hours later we arrived only getting slightly lost once! My sons flat was full of young noisy student friends who had gathered to say a big farewell. This group of around 20 had been close friends since there first year in Halls, a great bunch of kids! Popping my head round the door I said a quick hello then left for the short walk to my hotel.

This was my first night away from home since the failed bladder procedure so I was apprehensive about having to use catheters in an unfamiliar bathroom. The room was nice although the hotel a little shabby but the bed was comfy and to my relief I managed to use the catheter.

I had eaten and drunk very little in preparation for this journey in hope that it would allow me to travel/drive a long distance with minimum pain. My plan worked and although it was uncomfortable I made it there successfully. The following morning the van was loaded and we, myself, dyslexic navigator and son, drove the three hours home. I was on auto pilot by this time, climbing out the van when we arrived home, every joint and muscle ached. However to be met by my youngest (5 yr old) who came running across the yard and jumped into my arms saying how much he missed me made me forget all the aches and pains.

The following two days were filled with numerous loads of laundry (from Aberdeen) rearranging eldest sons room to his specifications, playing tennis, football, cooking, cleaning, horse duties in between a million trips to the bathroom! By Sunday night I was exhausted and of course couldn’t sleep! Why is that, when you most need a good nights sleep you never get it??

Monday morning I was hit with complete body shut down, my whole body ached. I ignored it, foolishly! By Tuesday after another crap night I knew I was having a flare, couldn’t think straight,  brain fog, joints and muscles sore, fell asleep in the afternoon. IC was pretty much awful too. Tennis elbow agony. Stomach pains. This morning it hurt just to stand on my feet. I made it to the yard and was determined to ride and after mucking out I tacked up and rode out. I felt so uncoordinated, muscles weak and aching. I HATE this!!!! Took youngest, along with eldest to the park this afternoon, it was a struggle to stay awake. By 3 pm I was in bed for a quick snooze before afternoon yard duties.

Sleeping through the day is not me! I have never been one to go for a nap, ever!!! But I cant cope with feeling so bloody rotten. The last time this happened was end of March, exactly the same symptoms.

BUT! Im going to end this moaning post with something positive. My eldest son, who is 22 yrs old in July, has completed his degree in Linguistics at Aberdeen University. I cant express how proud I am of him. Not only has he achieved this but he has grown into such a great guy! We have always been close as it was just the two of us for most of his life and one thing I drummed into him at an early age, apart from the fact that ‘everyone’ finished school and went to Uni, was to communicate. What ever the problem, talk about it! To me, to your friends, to your teacher. Communication is key. Thankfully it worked and we’ve always had a good relationship, unlike the relationship I had with my parents! I wasn’t going to make the same mistake.

So, 22 years on and now he’s ready for the next chapter in his life. Where did the time go….. x